do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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