never play flip cup with pint glasses
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
