WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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