he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
