@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
