who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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