Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
