just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.