I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
