forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster