it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void