Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted