May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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