some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
