Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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