I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
