I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
