im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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