i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
