So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
