so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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