after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
