yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
