The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
