doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want to make out with him forever
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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