Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
