I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
