so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
