Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
