its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
