you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
