i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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