He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
