scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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