dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
