Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
