His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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