idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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