it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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