Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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