i permit you to call me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
