So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
