After last night, I could never be a politician.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
