Can Purell be used as lube?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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