remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
