only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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