He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
