did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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