when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just invented taco cereal.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
