No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
