I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
