so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
