If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
