We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
