Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
