So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The struggles of a small town man whore
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
