Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
