Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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