the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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