i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
