meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
