but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
3 2 1 whiskey
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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