He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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