wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
