why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
