we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
